1. Stick Golf HD helps to pass the time in departures, 1-nil to the iPad.

2. Taxi driver prefers map printout to iPad maps, 1 to the real world

3. Try to check dodgy French language skills with free translator – needs wifi or 3G connection! 2-1 Le Monde.

4. Spot Stade De France and discuss lousy state of French and English football with taxi driver, 1 to Beno… but only in English, so better make that 1 to taxi driver.

5. Taxi fare flies past 50 Euros, driver loses his point.

6. Driver has his own iPad-a-like sat nav, but it doesn’t seem to be very good, much like his driving. ‘We need help’ he says. We get it in the shape of a massive roadsign. 3-1 World.

7. Made it, 81 Euros lighter. Ipad charger works with dodgy French electric and dubious adapter. 1 back for Apple.

8. Free wifi in the hotel, makes iPad ‘useful’. 3-3.

9. Safari crashes. 4-3

10. No iron in room. 4-4

11. No golf on TV, bbc site shows its a procession. 5-4 iPad.

12. World deserves several points for barmaid alone. Outside in the sun with a cold beer and me Korean maaaaaates. This could be a walkover for the real world.

13. Dinner, beers, late night. Day one to real world.